One corny line and your blog is ruined forever.
Blogs are a reputation of sorts.
Blogger or Live journal? where is option c. none of the above?
Why dont they ask that question in multiple choice exams anymore?
Has anyone asked why?
Is our right to choose 'none of the above' being denied to us?
Right to choice also means right of choosing what the choices are.

Feeling: wierd, awkward, down.
Music: the heater buzzing.

Chocolate brown bumpy thickened painted stairs, yellowed creamed crembule coloured ceiling walls.. a glassed bulb of yellowish white light and hand rails of bare minimum pre requisite.
My chat hub.
My fight club.
Buggin hub.
Solace.

My fire exit.
This is the place I get to be when the lights are out, the mind is numb, heart and hard talk both occur in quick succession.

Steps of whisper heard but to quickly fade and die, things are talked and learnt, to relearn and question why, sometimes things arent what they seem, and the fire exit is one of those secret havens.

Sometimes life is not reflective of what you thought it was.
And sometimes you are not what you thought you were.
Life takes some turns to make you realize you came back to realizing you were still the same emotional person you were trying to run away from.

Make life simple.
I hope I never have to do this again.

Froggy Bottom Pub

A shallow young-ish pub with lots of beer and young things and football on tv and a pool table and smart-sorrow-drowning female bartenders and more beer. A basement crammed, cheap and hard wooden benches to sit up straight and listen to the real-life ‘education’. A tv on mute with the commentator furiously talking in subtitles and crazy Americans watching the same money churning sport with eagerness that surpasses their normal lives. Some undergrads, pierced, quite obviously and drowning the bitchy life sorrows over a beer. Glasses are plastic, kegs lined up, and pitchers big enough for night long conversations with friends. The name, to be taken literally, translates into Froggy- the froggy at the door, Bottom- the pub is in the basement. Other than the charming photos of regulars over beer, there is an broken pin ball machine against the wall and a Chinese guy welcoming you!

If you think its a treat to watch people drunk or otherwise, over some good conversation, get froggied and bottomed here!

The tv anchors are the most monotonous of them all, the same enthusiastic voices, the same excitement about a new scoop, but telling the same stories of scandals and war.....

Writing as a sequence of events is of no consequence. Randomness is a variable. Randomness is cool. I think of those who are smarter than me, intellectually, how many people could there be, in a random sample of the population of the whole world?

I don’t think I’d get a very good probability there.

I’m not about to give up, so lets try relative ‘brainy-ness’

Well I don’t know what test to use..

How about we assume that arrogance =1 modesty= -1 and ability to make you feel like these numbers make sense = 0

Pot-Bellied

It’s a warm yellow fuzzy feeling, when you walk through the door, stand in long lines, with people shouting across the room, as dogs lie comfy and sleepy. Crispy wheat, salty mayo and crunchy lettuce, once you’re eaten, you’re pot-bellied @ 5$

PS: If you want to be caffeine-ated @ 1$ - go!
If you want to be Beatle-ed on a rainy day and you’ve been working like a dog- you jus gotta have a yellow submarine or Cliff Richard like really lucky lips. :P

Charming men <->Calculative women ie

Super hot woman -> Dumb men

The smooth talkers have their way with women, and talk their way into relationships, friends, and to the center of the lady’s attention. The lady for her part is calculative and finds the smartest, cash register ringing boy she can find, and treats him like a kid. Both trying hard to show smartness, calmness, and oozing frustration of a different kind.

Go find a motel.

Anyone up for any more equations?

Where is alanis morisette?
There are some very ironic things happening here, and I need a song. It might help if she was naked and was singing in the middle of the road. [ok i know its not the same song, its thank you...so what?]

Feeling: frustrated
Music: surprise, miss morisette.

Correlation is not causality. Well, okay so?
I have my mid terms in a few days, and I have this bad bad gut feeling that I am not going to get that 'A' that i really need. If my hardwork caused me to get the marks i got then i would get ceiling cracking high marks. but its not causality, so i have to settle with the hope of a correlation, that would play out in my mid term.
I have the whole bit of t, f, z, regression, and thier many many versions and SAS, the killer.
This is when i start thinking of alternate careers, the day before the exam-
what if i were a writer?
what if i was an astronaut?
How come i didnt get that strong feeling when i was a kid that I wanted to be a pilot or traveller or some such? Maybe I was too mediocre...stop wait i dont wanna hear anymore.

Bloggin is also a huge waste of the little time before a big exam like this one. I was reading a recent blog on WoW and one of its guild members experience with finally quitting the game.
Its incredible to see/ study how people react to a virtual alternate person they create.
Wether its match.com or WoW it all bring it down to the same thing, virtual reality.

People screw up big time, with thier lives, and i cant afford to flunk the exam coz i am paying through my nose for it, so maybe i should take off this broadband ka cable and go study.
Wat say?

Country roads, take me home
To the place I belong
West virginia, mountain momma
Take me home, country roads

I hear her voice
In the mornin hour she calls me
The radio reminds me of my home far away
And drivin down the road I get a feelin
That I should have been home yesterday, yesterday...

Where is the soul food?
Where is the starvation?
Where is the song?
Where is my release?

Take me home.

Feeling: Useless.
Music: The sounds in my head.

I just realized that I have not been fuilfilling my soul desires for very long. I have been chasing the money longer than I would imagine. Sometimes its good to be this way, carefree, and doing what comes to you naturally. I feel my writing has suffered. I see so many interesting blogs, blogosphere etiquette, and new rules to the game, and many many people who are funny and intelligent. The blogosphere is the way to osmos-ify the smarter folk. It’s an opinionated society and I am glad all the more. I remember someone who said sometime that “I hate what you’re saying about me, but I would kill for your right to say it”.

I got the comment that my blog, not increasingly, but from the very beginning, has been very personal, and even those who know me fairly well don’t get an idea of what I am trying to say. That dosent say very much about my writing skills now, does it? Well..anyway now that I have a life (LOL) I can say with reasonable confidence that I am here to improve and bring back my writing to what I’d like it to be. And I am not going on an attack on blogs-are-personal-so-I-wont-please-audience kinds. I don’t think anyone who loves to write, writes to impress the audience, like someone said, after writing it feels good to be appreciated. I think this is a trite, stale, rotten old debate and I refuse to delve into it any further. That very last sentence sums up my life, contradiction. I don’t write to please the audience, if you studied statistics, or even otherwise, you would understand that if you are appreciated the first time it is likely that you would want to unconsciously incorporate the audience-factor the next time you are writing, and make attempts to be funny, witty, sound intelligent, among other things, which you might not have done otherwise.

I don’t want to leave, and that’s a good thing, coz I am not being left behind either. I have a cowboy to ride into the sunset with.

Welcome to the USA,
where there are no cows and we dont drive autorickshaws ever in our lives
only meat, no yummy sweets
and no, animals dont bark at any time of morning..

Repeat that 10 times over and you still dont become an american. cha thats so sad yaa.. i thought if we rap and wear baggy clothes we will fit into the brutherhood of the americas... but it yis not so baybeh..

As is probably not yet evident. I am not yet really liking my stay in the USA.

I crib.

I crib and I crib.

I am convinced that Indians hate each other. They look out for "brown skin" thier eyes searching and when they find one - it convinces them that they're cooler/hipper and a more "well-fit american" than the ultra paavam desi tagged with a wife and a kid with a phone too expensive for him to make sure others know the salary is 6 figure in USD- mind it ;)

As of now , I have to admit, I am the petrified Indian, I feel like I'm doing everythng wrong when everyone else seems to know what to do and how to do it. I have a particular problem with restroom faucets. I, very simply, never know how to open them. There are mostly tiny or no buttons, and are never marked. and THE nightmare of my lifetime is the sensor operated flushes. I find it pathetic and as my better half says -"its too intelligent for its own good"
I also have a problem with potato chip packets- they don seem to have the flap we are used to- which means we pull in some random direction and its supposed to open up!
There is a lot of health food stacked up in grocery stores..the biggest of which i have seen is 'safeway'. Its located in the 'watergate building'. Yes the same watergate scandal..of the nixon presidential term.. so your daily interactions with bits of history take you by surprise in DC.
It made me go back and read a bit about the 'deep throat' revelation which came out as Mark Felt in 05. Woodward and Bernstein wrote "All the presidents men", till the point when i read this i thought it was some Sidney sheldon book.. he he..
I bid you adieu with the not so nice feeling of being a misfit and part of a life i dont enjoy just as yet but i hope i can get over it, make some decisions and get things going for myself.

Reached.

I have reached after absolutely no delay or 'real' problems on the way. Thank god. And yes my passport is safe. I feel uncomfortable, but then thats how ur supposed to feel. If i felt comfortable i'd be an american. I am waiting yet to get my daily source of support. Feels awful and sleepy. Somebody save meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhh!!

Nice Cousins.

Cousins are nice people. Not all of you have the good fortune of having good cousins. Atleast definitely not like mine.

I got a Video Ipod.

Go take a skinny dip- maybe you can catch up on the coolness.

When overwhelming things happen to you, you notice, but you tell yourself its a part of evolving into a mature person. It did. I couldnt write anymore. Neither could he. I dunno if it was the extreme happiness or the lack of anything considerably painful. Probably pain was my writing outlet and when that was gone so did the letters, for about 3 years. But everyday of my life is one big thank you to god. And now life got a new sentance. I can write again. :)


PS: its not pain anymore, the neon light says 'Anxiety' is the word-of-the-day. :)

Leaving never makes sense. When the final moment comes when you have to leave, its merely a compulsion. It always is for me. Making rational decisions come fairly easy to me and i dont for a moment think to think of "what if things were not this way". Its all planned out in my head. Plans don work, i realise, but am good at making newer plans as the old ones die.

I hugged my mom for the last time. Yes, for reasons unknown, moms are moms and i'm leaving mine behind. Mom is scared. Mom is alone. Mom is Mom or Meee, as is the degree of excitement.

Its not the other world- its jus the other side of the planet, and it is far, further than I'd like to be. It brings back failed plans of the past- ie to make it big here, and more of those taunting moments of indecision and complete failure. I refuse to leave this country. Its me. I cant be the scented by-the-book american. I like not taking a bath on sundays and asking for extra helpings of pani and dusty woody libraries. But most things don last forever, esp if you are not yet the high achiever you'd like to be, and ur time is ticking. I am as mediocre as a personality can be, right now, but I hope to feel the change soon enough.

Things are much much better now..in a lot of ways i hope the lucky run does not die of a heart attack..i'd rather be prepared for slow death.

Part of living life your way is living with the insecurity of not knowing where exactly your life is taking you. But that’s what you wanted in the first place, a non-conformed life, no happy weddings, no baby showers, no if I do this it will make my parents happy scenes of son going to graduate from Wharton. At every not-so-great move you make if you can beat the insecurity of it all, then you can move on the same path, if you decide hell I cant take this insecurity anymore let me just be an engineer, you’ve just died. And rebirths are rare.

How did we get this way? Who first formed the idea of the typical or the unique? Why do we want to be different? Coz the world is over populated? Who put the thought in our heads that we want to be different? Coz we observed that such people were getting noticed and we want to be noticed too? Why do we feel we are living in oblivion until the world recognizes us?

Its in the way humans feel. Maybe you don’t feel the need to be different when you have hot young blood flowing through your veins, maybe that’s when you feel it the most, that’s the word, DEPENDS. But it is innate in a human being to like to be admired, recognized, and respected and feel a notch above the rest. Or maybe its animalistic, maybe we should see beyond this to attain nirvana.

So do we really wanna attain nirvana?

Whats nirvana like? I dunno, then who cares.

Fuck this is such a pointless discussion.

Where is god I want some answers.